Good morning, South Windsor! Today is Saturday, Aug. 18, 2012; there are 136 days left in the year.
Hey, want to sound like a lawyer without going to law school?
Yeah, me neither. But I’m going to tell you how anyway. It’ll save you three years of hair-pulling frustration, not to mention over $100,000 in debt.
Here’s what you do.
Whenever someone argues with you, feign righteous indignation and say the following with as much bravado as possible:
“I feel as though you are impugning my integrity.”
Now, I have no idea what that means. But every lawyer worth his salt (not to mention his $500 an hour fee) has that phrase in his arsenal when he’s trapped. When he's really trapped, he'll thrown in a "sir" or "ma'am," as in, "You, sir, are impugning my integrity."
Trust me, use it. It works.
Consider the following Q&A that the Yogurt Siren and I have had.
YS: Honey, did you do the dishes?
Me: Dear, the issue isn’t whether the dishes may or may not have been cleaned. I think the better discussion that I’d rather focus on is how much I love you and how beautiful you look.
YS: You didn’t do the dishes, did you?
Me: I feel as though you are impugning my integrity.
YS: (Rolls eyes) Fine, I’ll do them. (Storms off, muttering something as I get back to playing with my iPhone.)
See? Wasn’t that fun?
Sure, she didn’t talk to me for an hour, but in my world it was worth it. And my integrity remained intact. And I got a high score on the game Tiny Wings.
Here’s your Daily 5:
1. Join the Hybrid Spirits Bike Group this morning at 8:30 a.m.
2. The Hartford County 4-H Fair is today at 8 a.m. in Somers.
3. There’s yoga for everyBODY in Rocky Hill today.
4. Didn’t think you could make Bingo any more Rock and Roll? Well, how about Bingo After Dark at Mohegan Sun?
5. Shabbat and worship services at Temple Beth Hillel tonight at 7:30 p.m.